You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
