Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
did i just pee glitter
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
