I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
