my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
