You really coming over, don't trick.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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