I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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