Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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