it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
