Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
