you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
