well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
how does that bad decision feel?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
