sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
