I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
