Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there's paper in my vomit.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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