fuck your aforementioned shoe
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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