I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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