Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
