im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
