First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
