she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
