So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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