If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just gargled with NyQuil
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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