You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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