I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
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your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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