the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
