I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
