It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
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I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
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He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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