Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i think i have two assholes
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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