I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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