did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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