So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize