Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
