1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
