All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
