and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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