Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
