i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
