dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize