I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize