you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
