Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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