I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
