I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
