i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
