so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
