He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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