covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Semen is not good for contacts.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
