Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
