K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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