I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
