She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
