sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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