She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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