i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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