Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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