i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
