Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
