My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
