why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We are two peas in an std pod
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize