drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
