So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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