bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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