Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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