i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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