Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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