her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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