i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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