Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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